The statistics say that over half of all marriages today are doomed to failure….Now I am talking here about formalized, state sanctioned legal marriages, approved by, enabled and blessed by the state and the society and the various religious communities a couple may belong to……..

But besides the tremendous rise in divorce proceedings the last few generations have had to endure, there are always thousands more individual, non sanctioned, relationships that break up, fragment and run aground on a daily basis…What about them, how do we get the emotional catharsis that legal divorce is supposed to provide in these cases?

If there are no children involved, this is a relatively easier process….Marriage at least in part was intended to provide for the welfare of the children, and with no custody battles or large property settlements both parties can pretty much walk away with what they came into the relationship with…

I do not at this point in time want to get into mentioning, explaining, or detailing the original ancient medieval concepts of marriage as a political act, that is a blog in itself, just to remind you know that arranged marriages in the medieval ages was intended to cold bloodedly lead to land acquisitions, the status of women as property and chattels, the development of strategic alliances, etc. etc. ad nauseum….

No, I mean only to delve here into the feelings and nuances of a regular couple, be they a man and a woman or a gay or lesbian couple, the social and emotional dynamics are still the same…In fact, the clamor for gay marriages is legally almost a done deal, and rightfully so, but again, I am simply talking here about everyday people, gay or straight, who drift into romantic relationships…

These are not officially sanctioned by the state and/or protected by the courts, and are simple relationships with no children involved…I am talking about casual relationships and hook ups where like minded people move in together and live together without state mandated sanctions or penalties….But breaking up is hard to do!

It all starts out in high school, exchanging class rings, going to school dances and events, teen age crushes that last throughout high school but often founder when one or both members of the couple go off to college…It extends into college relationships, where like minded couples meet and pair off, with or without the goal of becoming officially married…

If you never go to college, there are always work related relationships that come into play…If not, there are the endless rituals of “hooking up” that young people go through to meet each other, be they singles bars, internet dating sites, church groups, or just going to endless rounds of parties, concerts or singles/mingles events always available….

The urge to merge is strong in the young, and it is a fact of life, it cannot be disputed, it is a basic part of human nature…. Success amongst young people is measured in large part by one person’s attractiveness to another, and to other people, and the most attractive people tend to pair off fairly early…

That leaves the rest of us, but even so, even if we are bouncing out of a failed relationship, we are always eager to start another one….But herein lies the problem, once again….. Breaking up is hard to do….

We all enter into these relationships expecting and hoping for the best…We are social animals, and nobody wants to be left behind, nobody wants to feel unattractive and unwanted…. We are initially attracted to another person for a variety of reasons…

It may be their looks, or by common shared interests, by geographical proximity like work or living in the same neighborhood, by their economic status, or by the prospects of boosting our economic status by pooling their resources…It may be as simple as their seeming simpatico sense of feeling like we do, and sharing the same general world views…

This is all well and good, in fact it is perfectly natural and human, but the thing is, we all change with age, we all either grow and evolve or stagnate and end up unhappy and bickering….For one reason or another, those same charming habits and gestures and viewpoints that initially attracted us to our significant others all too often become increasingly annoying, frustrating and eventually repugnant to us…We feel duped, cheated, we feel that we have sold ourselves short, and that we could do better with another person…But again, breaking up is hard to do…

The reason for this is that when you live together with another person for a period of years, you become a part of a whole, you subconsciously surrender your individuality for the couples concept, the couples viewpoint, the couples way of life, love and enjoyment….

So that when it all comes crashing down in a flaming sea of bitter recriminations and hurt feelings, when it becomes increasingly obvious that you are developing different interests, friendships and goals and ideals that the other person either cannot or will not accede to, or when you reach the point of living separate lives together under one roof, it’s over….

You become more like roommates than lovers, bound together only by economic necessity rather than affection and friendship, and at this point, whether you realize it or not, the relationship is already irrevocably over, the magic is gone, it is time to move on….

But no matter what, or when, or who, it is a fact of life: Breaking up is hard to do....